Dealing with difficult people can be, well…difficult! As such, we wanted to share a few bits of wisdom on how to not just “deal” with them…but to truly minister to them.
First, take the time to get to really know this person. Like each of us – only to a greater extent, difficult people are trying to function socially in the midst of some level of brokenness. If a behavior doesn’t seem “right/normal” to you…there’s definitely an underlying cause of it. There could be physiological, psychological and even spiritual issues from their past for their distracting behavior patterns. Oftentimes, their mannerisms exist because they feel they’ve never truly been “heard/understood” by others.
Reflective questions to ask yourself as you meet with this person one-on-one would include: How they are feeling, how they are thinking, what they are doing (i.e. – possible patterns of thinking, living that make their behaviors worse). At the HG level, consider having your group go through a “personality” profile like D-I-S-C or Personality Plus.
Second, seek ways to communicate correction in a discrete manner. For instance, say someone in CG or HG tends to always monopolize the discussion (perhaps because they’ve never been affirmed by others). Having already met with this person, it would be easy to approach them privately and say, “Friend, one of the things I appreciate about you is how engaged you are in our weekly discussions. I’ve found that if I don’t hold back some of my comments, I run the risk of not giving others enough time to speak up and share. Would you mind if we held each other accountable on this?”
Third, be patient; remain compassionate. We need to adopt a mindset that if we don’t minister to them, who will? The answer: perhaps another church body (maybe); but even more likely…the world (which leads to emotional despair) or a cult (which leads to spiritual destruction). God has entrusted these precious people to our care. Let’s work together in community (as a team) to help them be an ambassador of Christ according to God’s design.
God reached out and showered his love upon us while we were still sinners (and most difficult to love!; Rom 5:8). We model His love in the manner we love on our own “difficult” people!
